Thank the good lord for the Internet and for all the good people and stuff who feel they should be a part of it. Here’s a jojoface* selection of YouTube awesomeness. More to come…maybe.

*jojoface = Parker the unwitting guest writer.

1. The man himself paying tribute to the king of applause.

2. So much data. Should it be shared? You decide.

3. The Rant Man on the “N word”. Political correctness at it most raciest.

4. You want to watch all of this.

On the way home tonight I was listening to Your Time With Kim, which is an adult contemporary crap radio show hosted by Austin local and cat person Kim Iverson. I actually listen to this quite a bit. She talks a lot about relationships and men and how they don’t like her and plays a lot of P!nk to fill time when she runs out of stuff to say.

Tonight she talked about Ashley Madison, an online dating thing where unhappy, married or “attached” people can go meet and fuck other unhappy people, their slogan being, “Life is short. Have an affair”. That’s trademarked, by the way, so you can’t use it. It was started like nine years ago but, you know, whatever. I’ll just post date this or something. Any way, according to Kim, the days after Mother’s Day and Valentine’s are the biggest enrollment days for Ashley Madison and this year it signed up 30,000 of your moms, wives and GFs due to a disappointing Mothers Day haul. So if you didn’t deliver on that San Diego get away or the 1-800 Flowers “Dazzle Her Day” bouquet chances are your significant other is cyber-boinking some dude right now, plainly out of contempt for you. According to Kim, If you’re not even paying enough attention to your woman to catch her non-verbal, non-visual ques as to what you should have prepared for this particular special day then you damn deserve to be cast aside! (By the way, “Dazzle her day”, also trademarked. Can’t use that either.)

So shit gentlemen!  I take Kim Iverson seriously and you should too! What could we have been thinking, that simply loving and cherishing until the day we die would cut it? Take it from the expert, and by expert I mean Kim Iverson. Step it up.

Oh yeah, one more thing, this “premier dating service” was on the Tyra Banks Show too. It featured Ashley Madison owner Noel Biderman trying to convince everyone that he isn’t an asshole.

… Is sad and completely without passion.

I just, for the first time, drove a Toyota Prius and I can’t say I was thrilled, I cant say that at all. Now don’t get me wrong, weather or not you buy into the notion that our cars are heating up our planet, causing climate shifts or sweaty penguins, there isn’t anything wrong with trying to reduce the impact we have on our environment. But why can’t we do it without sacrificing the enjoyment of living life? As we move from childhood into maturity we are forced to say goodbye to so may of the little things that gave us joy. We trade the feeling of wonderful abandon, spending our days running through the sunny back streets of our neighborhoods for cubes and desks and fluorescent lights. Gilt replaces the simple pleasure of a candy bar and, at this time of year, the wide eyed wonder and excitement we once had watching the boxes and bows accumulate under the Christmas tree is replaced with the realization that someone has to pay for those and concern themselves with how that’s to be done when one is fearful they may soon be without a job.

One of my earliest childhood memories is of my father taking me to the San Fransisco auto show. We spent the night walking the floor through the rows of new cars, my dad pointing out all of the exciting ones, the red ones, the ones that went fast. At the end of the night he bought me a toy car. It was a white 911, the kind that you had to wind up my dragging backwards before you could let it go and watch zoom away. I spent that night winding that little car back, letting it go, winding it back, letting it go, all the while making happy “vroom!” noises and dreaming, for the first time, of how when I grew up, I would get my self a real Porsche.

Now, at 21, I wonder if that will ever really be possible. At the moment I obviously don’t have the means to purchase an $80,000 car but I’m working on it. However, the way I see the automotive market changing makes me think that, instead of one day buying my dream car, my only option will be to fill my garage with some dull, emotionless, hybrid/electric box. This makes me very sad, especially after driving one of these dull, emotionless, hybrid/electric boxes.

There was no growl when I pushed the “start” button. I did not put a foot on the clutch or throw the gear shift into first but instead selected “drive” by pushing another button. This button was located above reverse, neutral and neuter. It took a minute after the car began moving for the engine to actually kick in. This did not make me happy either. To be totally honest, there was really nothing exciting about driving this car. The steering took effort and not the good kind, the gas pedal didn’t seem to do anything and after parking it, there was no looking back to admire it because, really, it doesn’t look like anything.

The wonderfully green Toyota Prius elicits no excitement, stirs no emotion what so ever and is completely without aesthetic value. It is a toaster, a transportation appliance. Yes, it will get you from one place to another. Yes, it gets decent gas mileage. But must it only deliver practicality?

I don’t want to sacrifice the feeling you get when you’re pushed back in your seat, the feeling of being involved with the car, the relationship you have with it. I want the kind of feeling you get when you put the top down and drive just a little to fast, the feeling that comes from that little voice inside of you that’s still left over from those younger years, the one that’s saying, lets see what this thing can do. There is no replacement, no alternative technology for the rush that come from sitting behind the wheel of a car built not by people in lab coats but by men with greasy hands and passion, drivers, or at least by people who still have the spirit of such men.

I don’t know about you but I’m beginning to find that listening to the music played on the radio these days is becoming almost intolerable. I’ll listen to whatever new pop hit comes out or whatever and sometimes there’s some good stuff. The problem is that when a good song comes out it’s simply played to death. It’s a sad state of things when you can hear the same song playing at the same time on several different stations.

Now this is not to say that there isn’t good music available but it’s generally not the kind of stuff that makes it on to pop radio stations because the people who run said stations what to make money, which is understandable, by catering to tasteless morons. That’s fine.

However, knowing that you are not a tasteless moron I wanted to bring Jojoface to your attention because I think you will enjoy his work. I wouldn’t narrow what he does to any particular genre as he experiments with a wide variety of concepts but I will say that he is a very independent thinker and his music reflects not only that but astounding talent and creativity. You can find his music on Pure Volume and Facebook, among other places. Occasionally he will post work-in-progress, which is always interesting, as it give great insight to his creative process.

Check him out and keep an eye open for an album release in the future.

Hello friends. I recently decided to begin building a home for my graphic design company here on snowball rather than have it live on a separate domain. Don’t worry I will still be writing stupid articles here. (were you worrying?) At the same time, I will be writing on industry topics more. I added a small collection of my work that can be seen on my Graphic Design Portfolio page. It has examples of my design work, logos, cover art, photography etc… Check it out! I will be adding more related stuff soon.

With all due respect (which is really quite small), the final paragraph of your blog is unnecessarily hateful.

This is one of the things that the USA needs to work though: this unnecessary feeling of superiority. So someone holds another country’s policies above another’s. Where is it your right to “punch him in the retarded face?”

In fact, it’s quite counter-arguement. Apparently you’re all for the American right to “hate [one's] country” as per your post- and yet, the final paragraph clearly shows that you do not actually support that perspective.

Unforetunately, such two-faced bull shit is uncalled for, and you kids need to get over yourselves. You can “love” your country and still recognize that other countries will do things differently.

It is not your place to decry another nation’s decisions unless they hurt a human’s rights or physical being. And frankly, that’s not the subject being discussed at hand. No, your subject is far more… base… than that.

I leave you hoping you have a good day- and next time, think before you post. Afterall, posting contrary opinions int he same blog is… assuredly embarassing.

Ha Ha, LOL. He left a link to the Human Rights Campaign, a lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender equal rights group. I had no idea they were reading my idiot blog but that’s cool. I’m curious as to how they found it though. Probably cause I use the word gay a lot.

Why would this guy post that here? There’s a picture of a chicken that says, “I am not a nugget” and bull with huge nuts. This isn’t exactly a launch pad for political argument. I think he just wanted a reason to include a link in his post but I deleted that.

It was nice of him to hope that I would have a good day and that he does actually respect me, even if only a little.

Dear “old caring friend”,

1. You quoted me wrong.

2. You spelled argument wrong, dumbass, and embarrassing which is kind of ironic.

3. Just because I think you should have the right to hate your country doesn’t mean I support that hatred. I reserve my right to punch you in your retarded head. Save your pseudo-intellectual crap for someone else.

Weeee! With some coding help from my good friend Denver Knox I have successfully added my music to the interweb. It can be heard and purchased here on Snowball. Hopefully some of you will like it or at least buy it out of pity. You can buy 6 of the tracks individually or you can buy the full album that includes 3 extra tracks.

What would you rather have? A 611 horsepower, 6 liter V-12 Italian supercar or a Sarah?

Just a few reasons you would rather have the car…

1. You simply push a button to turn the 599 on.

2. The Ferrari looks the same in the morning as when you went to bed.

3. You don’t have to talk to the 599 after you drive it.

4. The 599 doesn’t mind if you look at other cars or read automotive magazines.

5. The Ferrari won’t call you randomly to ask you if you love it.

6. When the Ferrari screams at you it’s a good thing.

7. Maintenance costs are lower with the Ferrari.

9. If the 599 is too loose you can tighten it.

10. No one will call your Ferrari trashy.

Every true, red blooded, American man knows there’s one very important thing that joins us all together, a common, unbreakable bond and that it is, of course, the desire to go really, really fast and a commonly held belief that if we go really, really fast not only will we feel awesome about ourselves but that it is also very likely that we will appear more attractive to women. It was because of this that man created the automobile and since then we’ve been trying to get them to go as fast as we possibly can. It was with this same sprit that Dodge released the Viper SRT-10 in 2003, a 510 horsepower supercar and then looked upon the product of their labor and thought, this can go faster. They were right and that very same year they released the Tomahawk.

The Dodge Tomahawk is a 510 horsepower, 8.3 liter V10 . . . with wheels. The Viper could hit 60 in a little under 4 seconds and would top out at around 195 mph and that was really, really cool. But think about what would happen if you took all of the Viper parts off of that vehicle, the seats, doors, windows etc… it would be a good 2000 pounds lighter and that would mean it could go faster. That’s what they did with this bike and it goes really f***ing fast. The Tomahawk moves from 0-60 in 2.5 second and hits its top at around mach .6, about 420 mph, a speed that most World War II fighter planes couldn’t reach.

Dodge only sold 1000 of these, they aren’t street legal, and with a price tag of 550,000 it’s thought of more as a work of art then as actual transportation. Either way it’s a monument to testosterone and as American a stealing land from Indians. Why build a motorcycle that goes 9 times the speed limit? Why bother building something so fast that no one in his or her right mind would ever ride it? I’ll tell you why, right after we deport you back to the communist nation you illegally immigrated from. Because YES WE CAN! That’s why.